Okay, Pythonagoras isn’t a real book. But if it did exist, and it ended up in the LSU series, maybe this would happen.
(Scene features Ander and Elliot from Sidelined)
“Please? For me?” Ander widened his eyes, clasping his hands together as he stared at me hopefully. I glared at him, and he grinned. He knew I was incapable of saying no when he begged.
“Why do you want me to wear it?”
He shrugged. “Because you’ll look hot in it.”
Eyeing the item in question doubtfully, I shook my head. “Ace, I don’t even think you could make a hotdog costume look hot. And honestly, if you think that’s hot, I’m worried for you.” Turning back to him, I placed my hand on his forehead. “Hmm. No temperature.”
Batting my hand away, he pulled me in for a kiss. “I’m only fucking with you, E. I don’t have a hotdog fetish—” He paused, tapping his lip thoughtfully. “—unless it’s this hotdog…”
When his hand began sneaking down to my belt, I grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. “We’re in public. Save it for later,” I hissed, trying and failing to fight my smile. At least we were in a quiet part of the joke-slash-costume shop. In fact, there didn’t appear to be anyone else around. I grimaced as I glanced at a mayonnaise bottle costume with suspicious looking white drips trailing down from the “lid.” Guess no one else wanted to buy food-related outfits today, either.
“Come on. Let’s go this way.” Ander began heading down a long aisle with purpose, as if he knew exactly where he was heading. I stayed where I was for a minute, just appreciating the view of my boyfriend walking away.
He turned his head, his mouth curving into a smirk as he clearly read what was written all over my face. I held up my hand to stop him speaking, jogging over to him and planting a kiss right on his smirking lips. A kiss that turned into him backing me into a shelf, something digging into my back uncomfortably, but I was much more interested in the way his mouth was moving against mine.
When we drew apart, both of us were a little out of breath. “I love you,” he murmured against my lips.
“I love you, too.” Pressing another kiss to his lips, I stroked my hands down his back, loving the feel of his muscles shifting under my palms. “Let’s hurry up and choose something, because I want to get home and—”
Whatever was digging into my back suddenly slid forwards. I jumped away just in time to avoid a small tsunami of medieval-related paraphernalia, including a large broadsword in a leather sheath, several breastplates of different sizes, and one of those jousting helmets with slits for the eye holes.
“We were never here,” I whispered, and then ran for it, followed by the sound of Ander’s laughter. Turning to the left, I came to a stop in a small open space with racks of what appeared to be animal costumes, and a set of changing rooms and a mirror at the far side.
Ander rushed past me to the racks and began shuffling through them. He gasped, spinning back around to me. “I’ve had the best fucking idea for our costumes. Wait here. Don’t move.”
When he returned, I’d taken a seat on the carpeted floor, leaning back against the wall with my legs stretched out in front of me. I raised a brow at the overflowing basket he’d procured from somewhere. “What’s all this?”
Instead of replying, he went back to the rack, pulling out a costume that I couldn’t see because he was in the way. When he’d placed it in the basket with the other items, he came back to me, sinking to the floor in front of me. “There was a book…” he began.
“What kind of a book?” There was something in his tone that made me instantly suspicious.
“Uh, you know Dee?”
“Do I know my cousin, Dee?”
He grinned. “You know what she’s like. She said she was gonna send me something, and then I got an Amazon delivery with this book. I knew straight away that she was winding me up because of the cover, and the gift note said that since we liked dressing up, maybe we’d appreciate it.”
“What the fuck! Is she never going to let me live that down? That costume was your fault.” We’d been around fourteen years old, and a game of truth or dare with our friends had spiralled…and the end result was, I’d had to wear a ridiculous mad scientist outfit for a whole weekend and try to convince my family that I wanted to become a physicist. Out of nowhere. Even worse, there was a family party on the Saturday, so I’d turned up in a lab coat, round glasses, and with my hair sticking out everywhere. Dee had taken one look at me and had laughed so hard she cried.
“It wasn’t my fault. I had to wear that Wolverine outfit. I don’t even know what that was about.”
“Yeah, okay, that part wasn’t your fault, but you were the one to suggest the mad scientist idea, and then everyone else got ideas, and the dares got out of hand. So what was the book?” Knowing Dee’s sense of humour, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to guess. “Scientist and superhero?”
“Not exactly.” He rummaged around in the basket and pulled out a bow tie and a pair of rectangular, black-framed glasses. Shuffling forwards, he handed me the bow tie and placed the glasses carefully on my face. “You’re the cute, nerdy one.”
“Am I?” I raised a brow again, and then dug out my phone from my pocket, flicking on the selfie camera. “Oh, I like these. They’re nice.”
“Yeah. You look cute.” Placing his arms on either side of me, he angled his head to press a kiss to the tip of my nose. “My cute, sexy student.”
“Your what now?”
“And I…” He paused dramatically, before climbing to his feet. “I am your hot but nerdy professor, with a ssssecret you need to discover.”
“Wait. I need to put on the costume.” Dipping back down to the basket, he pulled out another pair of black framed glasses. Once he’d put them on, he proceeded to add to his ensemble with a brown jacket, complete with elbow patches, and a lanyard that said “VIP Access,” for some reason.
“What’s the name of the book?” I asked, just as he was lifting the final item from the basket.
“Do you mean Pythagoras?”
“Nope. Pythonagoras. See? The hot professor is secretly this.” When he turned around, he was brandishing a—
“Is that a snake costume?”
“Yep. He’s a python shifter. Now I just have to work out how to get into this thing.”
Before I could reply with something that didn’t involve the words “what the fuck,” he was lying on the floor, wriggling his legs around and doing an unintentional version of the worm as he attempted to pull the snake outfit up his legs. He looked so ridiculous that I couldn’t have stopped my laughter even if I’d tried.
“I have to video this for JJ,” I wheezed, blinking away the tears in my eyes as I curled forwards. My stomach hurt from laughing. “Fuck, Ander. You’re insane, and I love you so much.”
Instantly, he stopped moving, and pointed straight at me, his eyes shining. “That,” he said. “That’s why I’m doing this. Because I love you so fucking much, and I want to make you smile every single day.”
There was only one way I could respond. I lunged forwards, throwing myself at him, and kissed him.
And when we got home, he showed me his very own python.
Happy April Fools’.
2022 April Fools scene
Panhandled by the Alpha is not real, at least, not in this universe (as far as I’m aware). BUT if the book did exist, and it somehow ended up in the world of The Four series, something like this might happen…
(Please be aware I wrote this scenario while ill in bed with the flu, and the medication might possibly have sent me a tiny bit crazy. Nevertheless, enjoy!)
(Features Weston and Lena from the Four series)
“Alpha.” The trembling man next to me bowed low in greeting, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to suppress a snort of laughter as I eyed the male in front of me.
So, this was him.
The almighty alpha. Leader of the wolf shifter pack.
He cut an imposing figure, even here in his kitchen, with his powerful body covered by an apron. Barely sparing the posturing man a glance, he raised a sardonic brow in my direction.
“Can I help you?”
His voice was a low rumble, like distant thunder, soft yet full of power.
“I don’t know. Can you?” I raised an eyebrow in return, and the corner of his lip kicked up in amusement. We both ignored the gasp of shock from the bowing man.
“Tell me why you’ve entered my kitchen.”
“Why does anyone enter a kitchen? To get food, of course.”
Planting his hands on the counter in front of him, his nostrils flared as his eyes flashed with sudden fire. “You dare to enter the sacred kitchen of the alpha? Leader of the wolf shifters? Don’t you know how my name is revered around here, puny human?”
“Puny human,” I said flatly. “Really.”
Ignoring my comment, he picked up the frying pan from the kitchen island and placed it on one of the hobs on the large stove. “Hand me the bacon, wench.”
“Hey—wait a minute! You can’t call me—”
The door swung open, smacking against the wall with a bang, and Cassius burst into the room, naked other than his Warning: Concealed Sausage apron. Why? Why couldn’t he just wear clothes like a normal person for once? Even the burn incident hadn’t scared him.
His gaze darted between us, his eyes narrowing. “What are you two doing? I’m supposed to be cooking the bacon, not you.”
“Uh…” I cleared my throat, stealing a glance at Weston, whose cheeks were flushed red. “Nothing.”
“Oh.” Cassius’ face cleared. “Oh. This is that werewolf chef roleplay thing, right? From that Panhandled by the Alpha book?”
There was a pointed cough from the floor, and Weston’s friend Rumi rose to his feet, looking everywhere but at us.
“Fuck off, Cass.” Weston glared at him. “Blame your girlfriend, she gave Lena the idea.”
He sighed heavily. “I can’t help what she reads. I tried to steer her in a different direction, but if a book doesn’t mention fantasy creatures with moist petals and pulsating members, she doesn’t wanna know.”
“Yeah, yeah, we’ve all heard you reading her books aloud. Frequently.” Folding his arms across his chest, Weston rolled his eyes at his best mate.
“Wait!” Cassius suddenly shouted, making us all jump as he stabbed a finger in Rumi’s direction. His face took on a green tinge, and he made an exaggerated retching sound in the back of his throat. “How did you get involved? Please don’t tell me this is some weird sex—”
“Let me stop you right there.” Darting across the kitchen, I clapped my hand over my brother’s mouth.
“I didn’t mean to get involved,” Rumi protested, throwing his hands up. “I only came here to borrow a hard drive from West so I could do some penetration testing!”
Cassius’ eyes widened, while my boyfriend lost it, laughing so hard that he had tears in his eyes.
It wasn’t even remotely funny. It was embarrassing as fuck, to be honest. Why had I let West talk me into this again? Oh, yeah, because he was convinced that I was some kind of Twilight superfan, thanks to my brother’s blatant lies about me being obsessed with Edward Cullen when I was younger. Edward Cullen wasn’t even a shifter, for fuck’s sake.
Anyway, after today’s disaster, I could say with 100 percent confidence that we would not be roleplaying as a bloody shifter and a puny human ever again.
At least, not when anyone else was around.
Happy April Fools’ Day.